Nothing left to Say

Twenty minutes past midnight. Unusual. That’s how the whole scenario was. At an alien place at an unearthly hour, listening to the ambulance and police sirens, that was unusual. Seeing Sia’s lifeless body, prostrate in the bed, that was unusual.

‘Energetic’ ‘Indefatigable’ ‘Bubbly’….-these were words synonymous with my best friend. My best friends, who had the gift of gab and who had honed that gift to its peak – she coud speak, constantly, about every topic under the sun –now lay motionless on the bed, that was unusual.

I stood there waiting for my husband to arrive. For his reassuring hug, for him to tell me it was all going to be all right. My mind drifted, on its own accord, to my memories of Sia, the times we shared and the impact she’d had on my life. She had her own theories regarding life. Ironing clothes was a waste of time, belief in God was a sign of ignorance, tipping the waiter was mandatory- no matter how bad the food was. “He didn’t cook the food”, she’d say. While her theories were all too fine, they did not always concur with mine. And as opposites attract, this never was a hurdle in our relationship. Both of us felt the effort to iron out the differences was not worth it.

The theory of her that I completely disagreed with was her belief that relationship with men did not require a legal stamp on it. Marriage, she considered anathema imposed by the society. Her disgust for this institution that has bonded man and woman in civilization for centuries had its beginnings when her parents were divorced during her childhood.

Still brooding, I was shaken out of my reverie by the inspector. He handed me an envelope with my name written on it. Even through the tears in my eyes, I could recognize Sia’s petite handwriting. I slit it open to find a letter.

Dear Reva,

I know you must be mad at me, but believe me, I had no choice. I couldn’t stand the fact that I was wrong, wrong as ever, wrong always, dead wrong.
We always quarreled about the sanctity of marriage. In keeping my views, I decided to spend the rest of life with Gautham without getting married to him. All was fine. I loved life and was completely satisfied with the course it was taking. I still remember how disappointed I was when I heard of your marriage. Just a month into that ‘holy institution’, you were already cribbing about your husband’s late office hours and frequent business trips. Whenever I thought of how much I was getting out of life with Gautham, I pitied you for falling into the trap that was marriage.

“ life is a journey of many steps. We just stop along the way for a while and then move on. That’s the inevitable truth” –I whole-hearted agreed with Gautham’s proud words.

Until things began to change. Insecurity began to creep in. With him around, things were good, but the world turned into a mad-house when he didn’t return for months on end. The final blow was when I caught sight of you with your husband.I realized how happy you were. How you had everything and I had a lot of nothing. Inspite of your complaints, you had someone to count on at the end of the day. Someone who cared for you, someone who loved you.

I am sorry Reva, I was wrong.

Yours friend,
Sia.
The warmth of the hands that I felt on my shoulders told me that my husband was here. A brave girl, my best friend, had just ended her life. Why? Why did she?? Tears were spontaneous. In a bid to stem my tears, my husband held me close, looked into my eyes and sincerely said : life is a journey of many steps. We just stop along the way for a while and then move on. That’s the inevitable truth
There was nothing left to say.